A glass full of truth that spilled lies
by hiddendaisy1821
Summary: "I'm Merlin." he said and she laughed and then after he joined her and filled her glass with the same drink from before she couldn't help but say, "Really, like in the legends?" Modern AU. Morgana's POV.


**Disclaimer:** Merlin belongs to BBC, I own nothing but the idea for this story.

 **Pairing** : Merlin/Morgana

 **Summary** : "I'm Merlin." he said and she laughed and then after he joined her and filled her glass with the same drink from before she couldn't help but say, "Really, like in the legends?" Modern AU. Morgana's POV.

-oo-

The place stank of cheap bear and even cheaper perfumes. It literally made her want to go back to that time when people wore that thing only when they had to, but she was here out of necessity not fun.

The one place that was free in this overcrowded circus was the one next to the person she was looking for anyways. The one person that always held all the answers. She wanted to appear as confident as ever but every time she took a step forward she would bump into someone and her gaze would be interrupted and the fear would be back. The fear of never knowing what truly lies behind the veil of everyday life. The one she was supposed to be leading and yet can't seem to adapt to no matter how hard she tries. Something was telling her, almost to the point of nagging that there was something more.

Her hands felt clammy and sweaty which in turn made her scoff, because when had she ever acted so nervous and unconfident in her own abilities. It probably started when the nightmares or dreams of a different appeared before her eyes. They made her doubt everything she saw and believed to be the truth.

Snapping herself out of another pointless tirade of how she was probably losing her mind she made her way to her target. The person occupying the chair seemed to be in their own world. For that she was glad because it gave her a moment to regard the individual.

First of a simple wooden dragon figure, oddly out of place was standing proudly perched on the counter bar. It was an odd thing, but when they talked online it was a logical conclusion that it had to be something out of place that only she could identify at their meeting point. They agreed he picked the figure, she picked the place.

Sure she heard horror stories about online meet ups in real life so she figured she could go with a crowded place and more importantly witnesses. A pub will do just nicely.

It all started when she decided to explore the events of her dreams online and found that most of it resembled the Arthurian legends. The legends that were written by a couple of authors who always seemed to thank their invaluable source. They just called him Merlin.

A tad too dramatic for her taste but she will take it if it meant her predicament could be explained. She had somehow managed to convince one of the writers to give her a way to contact the said source. Being as her name was Morgan she said how she wanted to discover what it meant, because it stemmed from that supposed time.

Surprisingly it didn't take long for him to respond to her and even less to agree to meet. If it was a scam it was a rather believable one because all she had asked him was answered in detail and a rather believable story behind it. One she knew deep down was true and that made her question her sanity even more.

She couldn't catch his entire frame but she could see he was on the lean side, perhaps even skinny with dark hair that was unruly as hers tended to be on most mornings. He was still staring at his drink, not bothering to turn around and check if she was here. What arrogance to believe she would be the one searching for him. True of course but it left her offended nonetheless.

"Are you just going to stand there, looking insulted or what? This must be some sort of a record. I haven't even said a word and you already hate me."

The surprise must've been visible on her face because the next thing she heard was a soft chuckle coming from the man. She sat on the chair next to him and the irritation took the next words out of her mouth. Who needed caution when this man clearly went on her nerves in the few seconds she'd known him. If she doesn't kill him then he will certainly be pummeled by someone else.

"So what, now you are to tell me you have some magical power of sensing people around you?"

He appeared much too calm for that to be fake but in all his calmness he just motioned with his drink towards the stack of drinks behind which was a mirror.

"Oh."

Yeah, she should add bumbling idiot to her resume. But she should at least get a managerial position of all the idiots in the region for she is clearly the superior one among them.

"Well, mister 'I'm too cool to look around for people I was supposed to meet' what is it you propose we drink before my sanity kicks back in and shuns you away onto the next continent?"

He met her gaze and she was startled by the blue that gazed at her with such intensity she had to look down at his drink. Now who was not looking at people? What amazed her was that he wasn't put off by her innate ability to be normal person but instead a full blown laugh escaped him and he once more looked at her with such fondness that she needed to keep her fingers interlocked before her hands decided to do something stupid.

"You are entertaining that is for sure. Morgan was it, or was that just a way to get to meet me? I am flattered you would go to such lengths."

He once more chuckled at her mouth open, fish out of the water look. How dare he think she was here just to meet him? Sure he was cute, good looking even handsome in that particular way that she liked but there were more important things to be dealt with here.

"What?! How dare you think this is all about you, you pompous ass. What kind of a person assumes that? Oh yes the one that names themselves after a person in a legend that they are writing about. Merlin? Don't make me laugh."

He was still holding that simple smile on his face and she forgot what she was angry about in the first place. He seemed too okay with her ridiculing his name choice or whatever alias that was. She was better than this.

After he continued to observe her unfazed by her little outburst she continued, "My name _is_ Morgana actually, but it seemed too old fashioned so it was shortened to fit modern purposeless mostly."

He gazed back to his drink before answering.

"I know."

She was taken aback by that statement because most people wouldn't guess her name or even consider the history behind it.

"I am Merlin. No alias or pen name or whatever you came up with in your head."

Now that was strange. It was obvious there was something more to it, but she was afraid to ask. Because she feared if she started with the questions she wouldn't be able to stop. Thankfully Merlin seemed to understand that as he started to give his own answers.

"I believe you wanted to know about the dreams and the nightmares, and also your name- how it all ties in, right?"

She could only nod as he motioned for the bartender.

"What will you have Morgana?"

She looked at his glass. Truth be told she was on the edge of her nerves and drinking was the last thing on her mind so she decided to go with whatever he was having.

"Same as yours."

He motioned with his hand towards the drink showing the bartender that he wanted two of the same.

"Now how about we start with a story of magic and legend. The myths that tore the old land and created the new world, free of the old ways."

The way he spoke and the tone in which he spoke suggested that he held an emotional attachment to the story. Maybe it was because he told it so many times or maybe, she feared, it was more of the personal nature. One that could only be explained by living through the said events.

How that would be possible she didn't know, but sometimes she assumed fate intervened in things. The ones that were forgotten by the time and needed to find their way for the sake of all. Kind of like a meeting between a Merlin and a Morgana in this time and place, filled with stories and history that could not be explained by conventional means.

"Sure it isn't like I had anything better to do. The days of excitement and fun are long past. It all seems so meaningless, like I am lacking something that I should own."

He only nodded along and continued his story.

"I can tell you this, it has been a long time and some things have been forgotten throughout the history, but one thing remained. The boy wanted to do good and help those he called friends," he said in a way that made her think he knew more and somehow that made her consider the unbelievable. What if...

"He wanted to find a meaning and show that people needn't be afraid of who they were. That it was okay. It had all started out so well, new place and a promise of a great destiny."

He looked lost, one might think lost in the past. As much as she didn't want to believe that to be true her instinct was telling her that there was more to it and that this night would change the course of her life and everything she knew and believed in until today.

"But that boy was arrogant, too confident in his own abilities, unafraid of human greed and his place in it all. A boy indeed."

She wanted to interrupt, to comfort and encourage at the same time. It was a very weird feeling so she opted to do nothing, hoping that he will sort it out on his own. She could sense the darkness and regret he lived with.

Somehow all of this became more than simple dreams and nightmares. It became reality and all she wanted was to deny but a simple feeling deep inside told her to wait. That she will know when to ask her questions.

He snapped out of the days of the past and hung his head with a quietly mouthed sorry, before continuing on.

"As usual the fate was cruel and reality crashed in. People he considered friends turned to enemies. The one thing that people underneath it all craved then, even now probably, was power. The boy had that power but the responsibility it came with it drew him to his knees. Making him unable to help when he wanted and always chasing some higher advice and guidance, never leaning on his own wit. A mistake that cost him all in the end."

She had her hand on his shoulder before she knew what was happening, but it somehow resonated so strongly in her to help and ease all that pain. A pain that shouldn't be there, as this was only a story somehow faded from her mind and now she was starting to accept that it was maybe the reality after all. The one that used to be his life. She wanted to believe that, she craved it.

Like a caged bird, crashing against the bars, wanting to be free. He held the key in his hand and she just needed to listen carefully and it would all be revealed. Her freedom, she was sure of it.

"I assume you know most of the events that happened in the said legend and how it all turned out. As I said some of it got lost over the centuries and I prefer it that way."

She held her breath and knew that now was the moment to ask her question. He was leaving the door open on purpose.

"You _prefer_ it that way, Merlin?"

He drained his drink and placed the glass back on the counter. He looked at her and his eyes were so intense that she had to remind herself to breathe, otherwise she would've embarrassed herself by fainting and she never wanted to be weak in front of him. Where that thought came from she didn't know. Only that it rang true.

"Let's stop pretending that I am not telling you my life story here Morgana. I believe you want to know how you fit in all this."

There it was - the simple truth. One she believed would turn everything upside down. Did she want that? Probably. Would she like it when the history is revealed to her? Probably not. Quickly she turned to her own drink and drained it in one shot, the strong liquid burning her throat and making her mind go blank, for those precious few seconds.

Then it was back to fantasy, or reality or whatever the hell this thing was.

"Hit me with it. I want to know everything Merlin." she responded, slamming her glass down on the counter.

He circled the glass rim with his fingers, once more lost in his thoughts before saying, "Even how I killed you?"

Ah yes the elephant in the room. Sure Morgana had read the legends, knew it had to come. How she was alive was another matter entirely, rebirth probably. Possibly. Still to know that he really was her killer, it took something from her. Something she never could get back, not until she has all of the details. Because the man in front of her was anything but happy about the consequences of it all. She was sure he had suffered enough.

And if her nightmares were true, then she wasn't such an angel herself. So, all in?

Holding his gaze, she felt that old bond between them, the history, the hurt and betrayal, maybe even something else. Something she didn't want to name now and couldn't afford to.

"I want to know it all Merlin."

He only gave her a small smile and continued to nurse his drink as he contemplated how to go on with his story. His story, it sounded rather fitting from where she stood as she knew that the answers were there.

"You would, wouldn't you? Always so straight forward and never letting anyone stand in the way. Wish I was more like that to tell you the truth."

Now there was something she didn't expect. Someone wanted to be more like her. Most of her life she wanted to be as far away from herself as she could, never felt comfortable in her own skin. Sure, she was brash and stubborn at times but no one ever wanted to possess those traits as far as she knew. Here he was telling her differently.

"Yes well, not all of us can be calm and mysterious judging others as they make fools of themselves."

There goes her mouth being quicker than her brain again. She really needed to stop that. All things considered, this being a life changing experience and all she handled it all too well in her opinion. Sure the sweat on her forehead and slight tapping of her foot might give her away but she was making an effort.

"You misjudge me Morgana. I was never mysterious about judging others, I was always blunt about it. Even before."

She could imagine it - a young boy set in his ideas and morals, struggling to make a difference in a world set in its ways with no one to share it with. Of course, he had Arthur but from what she understood from the legend the poor sod couldn't tell what Merlin was even if it was stamped on his forehead.

Now, here he stood...sat, whatever before her. The same old cheeky and mischievous boy that he once was. Somehow the familiarity of it struck her, like she had known him all along. She let out a laugh at his obvious jab.

"Very funny, hilarious in fact. I remember someone else acting like a gaping fish when they saw a certain someone walk into the hall. Was that you Merlin or was it some other court jester that was in your place?"

She saw the way he stumbled over himself and the flustered cheeks, the adorable tint that was on the tips of his ears. He really was cute at times. Not what she's supposed to be thinking about right now. He gathered himself quickly, that smile still on his face.

"Well there was no other way to respond to the most beautiful woman in all Albion was there?"

Now it was her turn to get all flustered, and to release all this tension that somehow gathered between them she bumped his shoulder and laughed it off. Yes, she would not dwell on it. She would leave that for later.

"Yes and we all know that is just not true, so on with the story Merlin, the gritty bits."

As soon as she said it she knew it was the wrong thing, but she pushed on. The shadows returned to his face and with it the mellow mood she hadn't missed from before.

"I suppose I should, talk about the 'gritty bits' as you so colorfully put it." He said as she was mentally kicking herself for it. He watched the selection of drinks as he continued his tale.

"Those were things that began to appear more and more, until I knew nothing but them and the sadness that you feel when a friend falls or the failure you feel when someone close to you turns into this twisted image of themselves. It was like looking at the person and just not seeing them anymore."

She had a strong feeling that his words were about her but she didn't want to press for she had a feeling that Merlin would reveal everything in the end.

"I assume not many turned their head to look at how Merlin was doing through it all." She said and he smiled at her, shaking his head.

"The opposite in fact, I had so many people telling me what to do and what I was supposed to feel that I just never had the time to think and act for myself. In the end I envied you for that Morgana. The freedom in which you acted."

He motioned at the bartender for another fill but when he came over Merlin asked him to leave the bottle. Morgana could tell this wasn't easy on him. She knew that in legends she had turned out to be this evil witch who wanted to conquer Camelot and rule Albion herself but to have memories (yes she was fine with calling them that because they are not just dream) of her and Merlin having adventures together and enjoying the companionship that had formed threw her off.

They were friends first before they became enemies and she had a feeling that he regretted that fact ever since it happened. He never commented on it but she had a feeling it was so.

"I hear it's bitch in this day and age Merlin, let alone back then when you had the 'epic destiny' to hold you down."

He filled her glass and laughed at her obvious attempt to lighten the mood.

"You are one of kind, I will drink to that. You, considering me to be this emo teenager going through a rebel stage."

The relief was instant, because as much as she wanted to know the truth she wanted to keep things light and not get so much in her head which would eventually lead her down the same path her old self probably went. Could she call that time her old self? Sure she could, as wacky as everything was. She raised her glass and quirked an eyebrow and watched Merlin desperately try to swallow. Yes, they have a connection, she felt it before but now it seemed more than that.

"I will drink to being one of a kind."

He gathered himself in the next moment and a sincere look passed over his face.

"You should..."

With that he drained his own glass. She did the same, the hard liquid burning her throat and making her forget all about the deep emotional bond or attraction. Yes forget all of it in fact. As she tried to gather herself from her little shot taking there he was already moving on, pouring another for himself and continuing his tale.

"That is not what you want to hear though. You want to know about the mistake I made. How I betrayed your trust Morgana and how I basically pushed you to your sister and her evil plans that would end up making you the villain you were portrayed as."

Before he could finish she was filling her glass. For this she needed to drink, to not overthink and take it all at face value. Like most things, easier said than done.

"You are right - we should get this over with."

"For once I am, and as it would seem I was right then also, but didn't want to listen to myself but decided to follow someone else's advice. The damn dragon still makes me angry with his self-righteous act only to become the biggest troll in history at the later date."

She almost did a double take after that. A dragon, sure by now she was taking it all as she went, but really, a dragon? She should call a mental institution and have this man evaluated for being a nut. But as per usual her other memories served as a reminder that she did see a dragon, albeit a young one, and herself on many occasions so if she was taking that as the reality then she also had to take this.

This left another crucial question to be asked.

"You did sense me when I walked up behind you in this place, because you have magic and that makes you a douche."

He snapped to look at her and she was astounded that he was basically speechless, if only for a moment.

"That is what you take from all this Morgana, a-"

She decided to ignore his little outburst.

"So you have it Merlin?"

Before she could entertain if he will be as evasive as before he covered his glass with a palm and in the next moment the drink was on fire. To say that she was shocked would be a major understatement.

"So instead of like levitating things about you do a cheap party trick? Really Merlin no flare for the dramatic."

The gaping fish look on his face was rather priceless and reminded her of some other time and another life when he looked at her with such awe.

"Morgana we are _at the bar_ , do you want me to end up on the 6 o'clock news?"

No, but she could end up on the news after a mental breakdowns she was sure was going to occur at any given moment. Yes any second now. Where was it? What was taking it so long? Damn it, once more she was okay with all this nonsense. Maybe they should both be committed after all.

"Yes of course nobody wants to be seen practicing magic in the pub. I mean what will all the drunk people think?"

Once more she hit the hard liquid not minding the burn so much anymore. Something to settle her nerves. On the verge of a mental breakdown here after all. He laughed at her antics before gazing over the small establishment.

"Magic is now strictly for fairytales and Disney movies. In real life it is frightening and people don't trust easily something they can't explain. They didn't then and they won't now."

His gaze returned to hers and with a resigned sigh he went on.

"As you have discovered your gift as a seer and that you had magic you grew more anxious and impatient wanting to change things and to escape the wrath of Uther or eliminate the threat entirely."

The cold that settled in her veins let her know that she didn't like the person that he described. Didn't want to have anything to do with that person, but knew in her heart it was true, the sadness and bitterness overwhelming her senses.

She decided to move past it, not to forget or ignore just put it in a vacuum for the time being. She was not that same person and as much as those emotions felt as her own she was someone else now. Perhaps more in mind than in body, because she may look the same but that cunningness and ruthlessness she just couldn't imagine doing no matter what.

The conditions have change and she really didn't feel like reliving her old hovel days when she spent more time in the forest than any human should. Also life without a conditioner was hard enough thank you very much and Starbucks needed to be there since the beginning of time in her opinion. That was the real magic.

"So what, I was evil, nothing I haven't heard people at my job calling me let alone in the old times. Get over the tortured act Merlin. I know what you tried to do. You tried to poison me."

He looked at her as if she's slapped him square across his face. Not that she would, mind the pretty face. **Maybe a body shot would be more accurate.**

"You don't understand Morgana! That was never what I wanted, but after your sister made you the source of the spell it is all I could do. Yes I should've told you I had magic and yes I should've helped you hone your skills and knowledge in it, but I was an idiot alright!"

His outburst left her rooted to her spot but she only gave a stiff nod in return. He was frustrated with himself for losing control so easily and that irritation caused him to run his hand through his head almost repeatedly. A calming notion - probably did it for years. A nervous tic so to speak.

"God what an idiot I was... The regret I felt ever since that bleeding moment happened Morgana- It eats away at me every second of every day. There is nothing worse than a man living in past, questioning his choices and asking that same old stupid question, what if I did things differently?"

The defeat in Merlin was palpable and her anger seemed to subside just a little bit. It was like the old spirit was calmed at the notion of its foes suffering. Her old nature really was sick, she had to give him that.

She understood what he wanted to say. Everyone had regrets, her included and those regrets surely don't differ much from his. Except he tried to kill her, and at that time, could she blame him, sure. The more important question was could she look past that? Maybe.

Her memories were slowly creeping in, filling the gaps of that life. The darkness she saw there she didn't want to live through ever again. But she understood her past self also. The circumstances led her to become what she eventually did and with no one to fight for her to stay on the side of good, her descend into darkness was inevitable.

And she may carry the same name and memories of that person but that is where all the similarities end. No, she is more than her past demons and sins. She is a person who grew up in a different place, knew different circumstances and lived a different life. The questions she wanted answered were answered only to realize she didn't ask the right questions in the first place.

She wasn't searching for her past, she was searching for a kindred spirit. A lost soul, just like her.

"What about now Merlin? Time to quit the moping and start doing thing differently. Isn't it enough that you spent what looks like an eternity in regret?"

He looked at her contemplating her questions.

"Maybe. How long is too long anyways?"

She snorted at his attempt at humor. Really as tactless as ever.

"I came here to learn about my past until I realized that is not what really matters here. Those are the deeds of a person I just don't believe exists anymore. I know now that what I needed was someone who understands and knows both and would like to move past that, with some help in mind."

She turned fully towards him, looking him straight in the eye. No fear, headstrong. Her hand outstretched towards his.

"Do you need help Merlin?"

He was looking right through her, he looked like he was centuries old and then after a moment he was there in the pub with her. A serene smile on his face as he shook hers. He was there, with her. Finally.

"I do."

She shared his gaze and the silent understanding.

"Good. If we want to do this, we have to do it right."

He looked at her with curiosity and that intense gaze made her suppress a shiver as she held his gaze for a moment longer before she snapped out of it. So not the time for it. Maybe later. With that she stood up from her chair and walked a couple of feet before turning back to him. Morgana put on her best innocent face and regarded him with interest.

"Hi, I saw you sitting here at the bar so I decided to keep you company. Looked like you needed one."

Merlin still seemed a bit lost, clueless in the modern antics which made the warmth spread in her chest. She will teach him and together they will learn.

"Huh. What?"

She raised an eyebrow at his obvious discomfort.

"This is a moment where you offer me a seat."

He seemed to gaze at the seat then her for a moment before shaking his head and motioning with his hand as he guided her towards it.

"Please take a seat."

She remained in her innocent posture, leaving him clueless for a bit longer but he seemed to be slowly catching on. She once more extended her hand and said with the most beaming smile she could muster, "I'm Morgana by the way."

He looked at her hand again, before finally getting the hang of it. She was giving him a new start, something they both needed with a dash of history and a bond that spanned for centuries.

"Merlin."

She laughed and then when he joined next to her and filled her glass with the same drink from before she couldn't help but say, "Really like in the legends?"

He looked at her, the same expression of awe she wanted him to have again. The same innocence and confidence was back, but the darkness was left somewhere inside. She liked it, he looked like a powerful man. A powerful warlock.

"Exactly like the legend Morgana."

She genuinely laughed at his corny line and just patted him on the shoulder.

"God that was corny Merlin. Even for you."

This is exactly what she wanted, someone to share this crazy thing called life with.

"As I said Morgana, I need help."

She nodded her head and turned to her drink. The comfortable companionship was back and she basked in the warmth of the feeling it awoke. She couldn't help but make fun of him for a bit.

"Urgently."

He laughed, a full blown unrestrained laugh and she was glad that she was the one who caused it. Before, all she caused him was pain and regret and now it was time to remedy that for both of their sakes. She was sure they were up to the task and if those little sparks between them had anything to say the things were looking real good indeed.

As they enjoyed their drinks one thing came to mind. A glass half full isn't always a bad thing if you can get to the bottom and find the truth amongst the lies and take from it what's important to you. Morgana took what was important to her and hoped that Merlin also found what was important to him. As she watched how relaxed he was, like he was in a company of an old friend she couldn't help but believe that he did after all.

No more lies between them, just questions that are going to be answered over time. Maybe she could start with one now.

"So how does it feel to be reincarnated, and what do you think happened to your old body Merlin?"

He only smiled at her before he responded.

"I never died. I'm immortal."

A small glass slipped out of her hand and after it crashed on the floor her mind seemed to reset.

"WHAT!?"

Okay, so maybe there were a lot of questions and some things needed to be answered before others, but as Merlin laughed and Morgana glared at his smug all-knowing face they both couldn't help but think that this was how it always should've been.

Also apparently Arthur is supposed to return. Yep she is definitely having a heart attack. And she is going to kill him for being a bloody git. Deep breaths Morgana. Deep breaths. You can get through this. You'll get the hang of it. If not you can always just end up in a mental institution.

Always good to have a fall back plan.

She's _so_ screwed.

-The end-


End file.
